Yesterday
(this is meant to be funny)

Walking aimlessly throughout Wal Mart one bored evening.
Strolling isles looking for anything that I could not live without.
I found my way to the music section. To my surprise they still had cassette tapes. And I still had a cassette tape player. As I scanned through the numerous selections. I began to think, “ I don’t have any Beatles.” Everyone, I mean EVERYONE has a Beatles something, and I had none. So that was what I was gonna find.

Then I started to think.."How crazy foolish am I? First that I want to get the Beatles which most people by now either inherited or picked up their Beatles 8 track, cassette or record from their hippie parents or a garage sale. But here I was wanting to buy a cassette. Not a CD which was the smarter thing to do."

Then I had to decide which Beatles cassette to buy. There were so many…Yellow Submarine, White Album, Sgt Pepper’s, Hey Jude, The Best Of.
I chose the Best Of, figuring that would have everything I remembered.
So there I had it, my Best Of Beatles cassette tape, stuck it in my cart and went on my way.

After strolling every last isle, I proceed to the checkout. Almost forgetting the whole Beatles thing. As I am transferring the foolish items in my cart to the check out. I begin to feel silly again, I thought the idea of picking out the Beatles cassette was strange! Try buying a Beatles cassette! What would the cashier think of me?..I mean not just that it is the Beatles but a Cassette! Do people still buy cassettes retail or is that section purely there for entertainment? I gathered up my courage and yes, placed my Best of Beatles on the check out. Ok, kind of hidden so the person behind me doesn’t see, but it’s ON the check out.

I watch her as she scans my items dreading the look on her face when she sees the Beatles cassette. She lifts it up and examines it before she scans it across the computer. She didn’t say anything but I could guess by the look on her face what she was thinking *eye brows raised*. I was never so happy to be checked out and over that fiasco.

I load my bundle and get to the house. After all that stress, you know the first thing I was gonna do, don’t cha? Yep that’s right! Pop my brand spankin' new Beatles cassette in my cassette player. Yepperz!

I pop it in and press play, waiting to be transported back to a different era.
In a low drawn out tone I hear…~I waianae hooooold youuuuuuur handananaad.~
I quickly press stop and fast forward and then rewind a sec, stop and play. To hear…the same warped sound! That damn cassette is warped! Well this really bites, I went through all that to buy this stupid Beatles cassette RETAIL at that, and now the thing doesn’t even work! If I hadn’t paid $9.99 I probably would have let it go but dang that thing was 10 bucks!

You think picking out a Beatles cassette is bad, or buying a Beatles cassette is bad, try returning a Beatles cassette. Receipt in hand I head right back up to Wal Mart. The little elderly lady at the door places that sticker on my Beatles cassette and I get into the dreaded return line. Luckily there weren’t but a few people there.

Standing tall I am trying real hard to be brave and just think, I am a regular mindless shopper who buys weird things, and it’s not my fault the weird things don’t work.
My turn to walk up to the customer service lady behind the counter. I show my receipt and shyly place my Beatles cassette on the counter. “ I just bought this and when I got home and tried to listen to it, it was all warped” I say. She too raises the eye brows and and goes into the back. Ok I am not exaggerating when I say this, you could hear laughing coming out from the swinging doors. I stood there trying my best to be calm saying to myself, "This will all be over soon."

Waiting for the lady to return I try to be comfortable there by the counter thinking if I am gonna stand here, might as well act like I own the place (at least that’s what I hear people say…Walk in there like you own the place). I begin to look around and I see that mirror above that watches us, I glance up at it I notice this woman just leaning there on the counter. I begin to think “Geez who does she think she is standin' there like that!” Then it dawns on me, I am the only one in customer service! I just dissed myself!

After that dissing of self, I took a normal standing position and continued to wait while I still heard the chuckling from behind the swinging door of customer service. Finally the lady returns and says, “ You can exchange this for another Best of Beatles cassette, but I can’t refund your money.” I hoped there was another one. I ran back there quickly as I wanted to get this Beatles thing done with. There just so happened to be one more Best of Beatles cassette, I knew this time working or not I wasn’t coming back.

Get home popped it in and it worked fine, yeah it transferred me to a different era alright. Started thinking of all crazy things my parents once did. After a few songs pressed stop and my famous Best of Beatles cassette sat there on the shelf for a few years till I had my garage sale and sold it for 50 cents.

I suppose there is a lesson to ever story, lesson here would be.
1. Don’t buy a cassette retail.
2. If you do buy a cassette retail and it don’t work, don’t return it, you should have learned lesson one.